Wednesday, January 7, 2015

baby gear

[updated for 2015] okay, so by now you know, we're not huge babycrap consumers. we don't have the disposable income nor the sheer consumerism that is intrinsic to corporatized popular culture. most of our stuff is used, hand-me-downs, home-made and/or uh, well-loved.

there are a few kid things though that we would be willing to pay full retail price for (while scouring the internet for coupon codes & discounts of course!). for parents who ascribe to a parenting values that fosters humanity over materialism (sometimes called "continuum concept" or "attachment parenting"), it may seem a conundrum to find a list of consumer goods. and yet, here it is, in all its glory. yours for free (rather than to try & encourage you to shop in my WAHM store. that would be my next project.)

firstly, i recommend Alternative Gift Registry (relaunched as SoKindRegistry.org) where you can "register" for gifts of your choice whether homemade, used or non-material.

Baby Hammock-(that is not my chunky monkey over there). A mini-hammock plus a lambskin is what coaxed my baby to nap sans parent. Now, you can buy the European fancy pants ones (like the La Siesta Yayita which I got for baby #2) for beaucoup or make your own (like here), but for sheer efficiency/ingenuity, you can't beat a Việt hammock. This is 4 feet long and can take up to 100 lbs or 4 yr old. We have the adult sized one, but space is precious. The smaller footprint and portability works for us. If you can find someone who likes you enough to lug it back from Việt Nam, it's less than $20 plus the exasperation of an import favor. If you live near Little Sài Gòn (OC) or San Jose, it's $35-45 depending how well you bargain. Trung's parents got us the Trường Thợ which would not pass a child safety check having lots of sharp edges and bolts/screws that like to wiggle loose (and they are now out of business see DL link below). The Ban Mai (pictured above) which we've picked up for friends at the Buddhist votive store, is nicer (caps on the ends of the pipes, curved brace) ; all the BM imports I've seen have gender-neutral (for VN) PINK frames. Though I heard that the hammock was too taut/too shallow but it could be we bought a bad imported batch. Duy Lợi is the original shining beacon-to-3rd-World-entrepeneurs-David who took on Goliath (Japan & Tai
wan bootleggers) in 2 international patent cases and WON. oh and Duy Loi won against the other VN bootlegger TT too. whoa! Vinamese bootlegging is like the Cửu Long|9 Dragons of the Mekong Delta--widespread, impossible to circumnavigate or dam, and integral to the economy and yet Duy did it, making him the mackdaddy of entrepeneurs. DL has some awesome space age designs. Funny that in the 21st Century, Vinamese ingenuity can be patented. Anyways, I haven't seen Duy Lợi baby in the San Jose shops but it could be different now that TT is shutdown. Now that we have a dog, we got La Siesta Yayita organic hammock for the baby #2 that we are mounting to the ceiling and when s/he is older, we'll look for a toddler one. We are going DIY with the hanging hardware.

And of course theLink the almighty European wood convertible highchairs that go from baby to adult; I do like me multi-functionality (Stokke Tripp Trapp is the OG, Svan is nice, as is the Keekaroo and my new obsession is the Minui HandySitt). The family value with this is having baby be an integrated part of the family dinner table instead of held at a distance; though trying to eat the dinner at the same time as feeding the baby is a whole nutha matter. this thing is like a jeep; it's bluebook value never depreciates. it's a scandalous $170-250 new (I rationalize high ticket purchase by Quality, Use-per-wear, and Resale Value). and you can sometimes find good quality used ones on craigslist going for half the price. we got a tripp trapp knockoff, the eurochair I used (about 8 years old) off craigslist for $22. and i can say though it's some life left in it, the quality is not that great. it really cannot take adult weight; the foot board and back bars have cracks from over-tightening, the framing is coming apart on the bottom so I gotta gorillaglue it, and the varnish is rubbed off on spots. luckily, a little olive oil & vinegar puts the shine back in. (hey natural parenting means natural cleaners.) Recently I discover the HandySitt which is a Danish
portable highchair that goes from infant to 5 years (*bought out by Stokke and now sadly, discontinued). It's really a clever folding booster that attaches to your regular adult chairs so that means not having to displace your regular dining chair. Given our small space, the footprint of baby gear matters.

sophie la giraffe oh yes, its geneology is pure french colonization, but this rubber giraffe is the only soft teether not made from some form of petro-plastic. $20  I no longer recommend Sophie because of the nitrosamines controversy. Currently I am using a Natursutten pacifier and trying the frozen wet washcloth. I avoid silicone as it has been shown to leach.

Hoppediz Bondolino it's a German Oeko-Tek certified soft structured carrier (SSC)--a mei tai with ergonomics and velcro. I love the ease in adjustment to each parents' size and the lack of muffin top that you get with all the buckled SSCs, but this is really a 2 season carrier. With all that padding, it won't get you through warm springs and hot summers. They now have lighterweight Bondolinos but they are difficult to come by on the US market. It's no longer available in the US market, which is a damned shame so I'd recommend looking at other mei tai inspired soft structured carriers The Ergobaby 360 is a comparable SSC but I have not tried this. I've gotten the regular Ergo and the Beco Butterfly II and it didn't work for my 95th-percentile-in-weight thick baby and on my petite, busty frame. I'm currently loving the Babyhawk Oh Mei which has a buckle waist. I love the buckle which makes a huge load bearing difference for my giant baby. I actually got the Babyhawk mei tai as a hand-me-down which I retrofitted with a Beco buckle. My biggest criticism of this brand is that the panel is not contoured for baby's body so there is gapping on  the sides.

HUGS selendang--Indonesian batik baby carrier. Lovely and practical and it can get you through all seasons but the worst of winters and even then as long as baby was bundled inside your ginormous parka, you'd be okay. I still use this one with all 37 lbs of VL with the knot at my shoulder now. It's only $29 and it benefits women in Bali. You can also make your own for only a little bit less with quilting cotton or habotai silk but you'll have to hem it. 35" width is perfect for use as a sling so if your fabric is wider and you hem on the long side of it, I've noticed that the it'll have less give/elasticity unless you use loose stitches.

WOOL anything--particularly for stuff that involves bodily fluids or fire--breastpads, biobottom wool diaper covers (I like now-discontinued biobottoms and loveybums as well as aristocrats & disana soakers), wool puddle pads, wool pillowtops, and wool mattresses (did u know your mattress doubles its weight in 7 years from sweat, dustmites & skin oil? and that you cannot buy an organic cotton mattress without a doctor's prescription? true story. your mattress by law has to contain flame retardent carcinogenic chemicals unless your doctor says otherwise OR unless you buy wool. because wool is naturally absorbent, water repellant, anti-bacterial, and fire retardent. because how often do you see a moist, mangy sheep on fire?)

PUDDLE PAD Also, whether you have baby in crib or in bed with you (and at least while you have a newborn, keeping her in bed with you is less tiresome for those all night feedings) you will want a puddle pad. I tried a regular "cotton" one from carters and it made me sweat all night because they have to put some vinyl or something in it to keep it from leaking. So I switched over to wool which absorbs, is anti-bacterial, etc. If you wanted something soft that you can lay baby directly on, I recommend Organic Caboose Puddle Pad (go for the thicker one).

For the family bed, if you want a puddle pad that will go under a sheet or to cover your mattress, I recommend this organic Foam Order one on clearance. It's scratchy so it goes under the sheet and you'll want 2 to have a double layer guarantee but it's still cheaper than buying organic full price anywhere else.

LAMBSKIN Those germans and their purity--history has shown us the down side, on the up side that means they make great children's products free from harmful chemicals. Sheepskin pelt was perfect for naps and travel. I was crazy enough to buy an organic, eco-friendly, mimosa-tanned Kaiser lambskin pelt the first time around; it's practically unwashable without destroying the leather. I should have gone with the Kaiser machine washable one. both are Oeko-Tek certified). And when we needed a second one, I was saner and just got a typical Oeko-Tek certified New Zealand Bowron Infant for a fantastic price of $65 on overstock. Whatever brand you go with, make sure it's for infant use; they won't use the more toxic tanning agents and will shear the pelt to a safer, low level. You can also find these used on BPN or CL.

After experimenting with a few types of diaper covers (Aristocrats & LanaCare pull-ons, Wool Stacinators), I settled on BioBottoms Bikini Cut as being the easiest for nighttime changes since it has velcro, not buttons that you have to count, which is a good thing at 3am. Being wool, you can use them thru several pees without washing them. Just change them out to dry in between. You can machine or handwash on lukewarm but you must use a lanolin-rich soap like Eucalan (decent & you can use on other handwashables, but not a lot of lanolin), Sheepish Grins (*I like) or Kookaburra or Imse Vimse (haven't tried). I have learned when it comes to wool diaper covers (some of which are NOT machine washable) that it is better to buy new than used. I can't trust that someone else will take care of the covers like I would. If you are going to buy used, check for shrinkage and check the elastic!

We used a diaper service for the first 4-6 months. Then I started to gradually buy our own cloth diapers. DSQ cloth diapers (that's Diaper Service Quality) for reasons unknown to me are extra long. Maybe this is for boy babies who need the extra foldover for absorbency? I don't know. But I like Clotheez which are exactly the length of of the diaper cover. No bulky foldovers. Cloth diapers are bulky enough as it is. American baby clothes are not made for cloth diapers so I found that baby outfits were useless and VL always had to wear up several sizes on the bottoms. Of course she's been out of diapers completely since she was around 18 months (elimination communication method!) and still has to wear several sizes up but that's because she's got such a juicy tush. I will say I am eyeing the Disana tie on diapers. These go from newborn to toddler. I saw a disana starter kit on eBay but since we have most of what we need already, it wouldn't work for us.

Evenflo glass bottles. A classic. Completely safe from harmful chemicals. And you can just freeze your milk in the bottle so no need for the breastmilk trays (though if you do end up needing breastmilk trays, Sensible Lines 1-oz actually fit into the bottle mouth. It's BPA-free which means that the tray and lid are always challenging to snap shut without spillage)...

My kid outgrew the Radian seat at the crotch and seat base. We're currently using a Britax Frontier Clicktight. These go on sale annually in September. Sunshine Kids Radian 80SL or XTSL (This is now rebranded as Diono.)
It's convertible so you use it from birth to 80 lbs; used rear-facing to 45lbs which is important because kids don't whiplash so much as internally decapitate. (PSA: Keep your kids rear-facing as long as possible. The youtube crash test dummy videos of rearfacing carseat vs forward-facing are chilling.) It comes with all the infant cushions, so you don't need to buy additional. It is made of steel alloy has a great crash test rating oh and also, it has one of the lowest toxicity ratings. oh and it folds flat, and has the leanest profile so you can fit 3 in a backseat in a sedan! The difference with the XT is it has an adjustable head rest for taller kids, and Side impact protection. Carseat.org has reviews of how it fits in different make/model cars, If you travel alot, then you'll want to get the carseat carrier. Although this thing advertises itself as portable, it only comes with one strap and it's heavy (hello, steel) but it folds up and therefore is less hard on your back than those car seat bucket seat monstrosities which will cause a hernia if you have to lug them around. Diapers.com sometimes has a 10% off coupon for new users and can be combined with 10% off from a friend's account. Or you can wait until Nov or December when this year's model goes on sale for 30% off. 

I happened to get a good deal on Zoobies Pet on BabySteals.com for half off retail. It's a 3-in-1 stuffed animal companion, pillow & blanket. VL loves her orangutan even if everyone else hates it. It is a little hairy and it sheds. So if I had a do-over I'd get the giraffe or zebra or tiger or bear. But of course those CUTE popular ones are not the ones that you get on a discount site. The only drawback is I think the owners are Mormon and of course it's made from synthetic fabrics. some SAHM/WAHM needs to innovate one with cottons/wool.

After resisting for 2.5 years, I have succumbed to the highly priced allure of the Learning Tower. We got one from the grandparents (we chipped in). VL loves to bake and help with cooking. When she was in her two's, she fell from the stool/step ladder with sad frequency. This thing is great for the paranoid parent and doubles as a playhouse (multi-functionality!) Costco has it for way under retail including a playhouse kit! She even uses it to wash the dishes. Yes, I make my toddler wash dishes. Of course those dishes are all enamel coated metal. After years of getting annoyed at the wood bowls from Asian stores & Ikea which cracked, varnish rubbed off, etc. and were hecka pricey, we got a set of enamel dishware for camping which was way cheaper than those "eco" kids dishes flooding the market now. It's camping season so we got it for $25. Maybe your local big box retailer will have it on discount when all the camp gear goes back into storage...

Other than a dresser and clothes that we got as a hand-me-down, that was it for our baby gear. Now that we are gearing up for baby #2, we've only added a few things to the list.

Cloth diaper changing stations. First time around we used a basket. This time I am going to hack/repurpose a painter workbag for the cloth diaper changing station--cloth diapers, flannel wipes, snappis, homemade baby wipe spray and/or hot water pump, homemade butt balm. We still are planning on doing diaper-free baby/elimination communication but since we started from 4 most last time, we don't know how that'll be with a newborn. I am eyeing the Raskog kitchen cart as a hacked diaper trolley but hubby is a little resistant.

Stroller
We didn't use a stroller so much with baby #1 as we carrier/wore her a lot. When we finally did get one, we mostly used it to haul the diaper bag and crap rather than the kid. So for this time around, I have specific requirementsAt almost 7 yo, my 1st kid is too big to ride along so that leaves out all those double/2 seat/buggy board options. I need a one-hand push, mid-weight/not too heavy, singleton stroller with wheels that can handle some terrain (okay, like the park lawn and unpaved trails), and decent storage capacity. After lots of consideration I settled on the BOB Motion stroller with we got on year-end sale at REI. I added the BOB sun shield option and a Zen Kids stroller organizer/console.

We definitely need a new dresser for just the baby which we'll most likely buy used.

And my husband just made a new shelf/headboard for platform bed using lumber, brackets, milk paint, and tung oil.

See my pinterest for baby gear pins and wishlist.



Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Other Blog

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
--Lewis Carroll
Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There 
1872 

I am a terrible correspondant.  I don't journal (having two grandparents, a mom, 4 aunties, 3 uncles, 4 cousins, an older brother & sister that have converging living arrangements kinda ruins it for you early on).  I infrequently facebook (it's a verb now).  And I am a luddite when it comes to the rest of social media and its etiquette (or lack thereof).

But, I do eat.  Every day as a matter of fact, three times at least, sometimes, 6 times a day.  And because I am frugal, and want to be self sufficient and healthy, I cook.  And occasionally, I write about it.  Every once in a while, I'll remember to take myself out of the moment of consumption and I take a picture.  Usually there are already several bites missing, but who cares?

So without further ado, I introduce my other blog.  Real Food, Real Phở.  I--I'm sorry you had to find out about it this way.  It's not you.  It's me.  Can we still be friends?  Maybe meet for drinks and rediscover our connection.  Do you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain?


Sunday, July 22, 2012

A Mother's Love Transcends

Earlier this year, I heard a story on public radio about from every pregnancy, children's cells live on in their mother, protecting her. I think it is the best and most incredible science story that I've ever heard. Rarely does Science affirm Mothers' intuitive knowledge and solace her loss.

Yesterday at a child's birthday party, I met an elder who was admiring one of my memorial tattoos dedicated to my father who died when I was 12. This wisewoman shared with me her stories of loss and giving the incredible gift of Love which is to be with someone when they die. She then went on to share her experiences of babyloss; her two sons who died at birth. She still felt their presence with her as divine beings.

I told her about the science discovery of our children's continuing presence in mothers to give her solace. I related how a Viet shaman (who is also scientifically trained as a psychologist) once told me "Spirit is the ancestor of Science."  What the soul knows intuitively, science will spend decades studying and trying to "prove".  Now, through science we can take someone's voice, project into outer space to a satellite and relay it back again to earth to a recipient through a cell phone device. Shamans have been doing that for thousands of years to the disbelief of Science.

Science is not objective; it has an objective rooted in a Western way of knowing (Cartesian logic). There are many other ways of knowing which Science can only fumble at comprehending as a blind person feeling an elephant's trunk. Scientists can never get to the Truth of a Mother's Love;  a microscope will never reveal the spirit. 

This research only demonstrates what mothers have always known to be true: All of our children are with us always as we are with them.  We transcend.  Love is.

For Dafina, Uyen, myself, and all mothers who have been through joy and sorrow...

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

goddess of grief

[N.B. I originally wrote & posted this poem for a dear and lovely friend of mine many moons ago. After standing at the threshold of Life and Death and losing mine own, I (re)view it anew with raw eyes and a womb that weeps blood.  This poem has since been published in SQUAT! Birth Journal Spring 2013 http://www.magcloud.com/browse/issue/536994]



wind water earth fire
blood salt tears
hands cupped to receive
tasting of the bitter
salted with loss
sorrow for what was
and glimpsed could-have-been’s
of a vanished future
of a seed within
ageless from the beginning of Self
dandelion filament
borne off to the elements
wind water earth fire
blood salt tears
moon wanes in grief
womb betrayed
bereft and laid bare to the core
wind water earth fire
blood salt tears
a Mother’s wisdom borne
intuitive
a Mother’s power borne
betwixt Life and Death
a Mother’s Love borne
infinite
forgiving
wind water earth fire
blood salt tears
hands cupped to receive
cleansing breath
cleansing blood salt tears
hallowed for blessings to come

for 10

Thursday, December 1, 2011

resume

I've lead an eclectic, esoteric, mercurial journey through life and as I reach my reflective midlife, sometimes I wish my life-resume showed a little more... direction. Meandering is just another way of not planning.

And then sometimes, I look over everything I've experienced in my late-blooming adulthood--speed reading teacher, mariachi band, poetess, martial artist, self-defense instructor, youth organizer, crafter/artisan, ballroom dancer, teacher sometime write of poetry and prosery, procrastinator, anthropologist (all the former while being in a doctoral program and being a terrible student, obviously), CBO researcher/info activist, trainer, facilitator, interviewer, popular educator, screenwriter & production designer, midwifery student, doula, gala planner, blogger, itinerant CSA heritage pork dealer, homesteader, priestess, bellydancer, mother ( I actually became a goddess but folks have issue with honoring the sacred feminine...), working mother, finance director, communicator, campaign researcher, union elected, negotiator--and I have enjoyed the journey, friends gained and the myriad life lessons earned, even those steeped in sorrow and inscribed in ink.

While I'll always wish I made more of the opportunities (should have traveled more, should have found a new Wing Chun dojo), I'll never wish that I made less.

Is it just the third decade that thinned out my creativity or is it birthing myself as mother? Working mother is another way of being absent for the hours that matter most to my daughter.

As I prepare to embark on a sabbatical, I anticipate the prospect of being without boundaries and a safe job to define myself and my time.  I am trepidatious.  I want to make the best of this breathing period. I want to find my calling, pursue my dreams and passion. I want to be a mother whose absences do not define the week.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Home

The decision to walkaway from our house & O-town feels an awful lot like the decision to quit grad school. Agonizing, emotionally fraught, tangled feelings about our substantial time/financial investment and an unhealthy, unsustainable situation. Scariest choices I've made and the most freeing. In six months, I will pay off my grad student loans; 8 years to finally shrug that off.

Despite the tens of thousands of dollars that we've put into our property, we'll be relieving ourselves of a debt that would have hung over us until we retired. It feels like for the last few years, we've been treading water while it just kept rising. And now we've stopped treading and realized we could just stand up and stop drowning.

We'll be renters again and that requires an emotional/mental adjustment, but to be free of the cumbersome "joys" of home ownership is liberating. In two years, we could buy again, if we wanted.

It helps of course that my neighbor, former trusted boss, elder is buying our property fulfilling her family's dream of building a community retreat center founded on principles of compassion, justice and aspiration. It was not all for naught. We are contributing to a higher and better purpose...

We move out this weekend, to the burbs (though more diverse than burbs outside the Bay), to the edge of wildland, sienna hills. The opposite end from our urban existence. I look forward to being in a quiet place where my ears don't prick up with every loud bang, trying to decipher whether those were gunshots, and which street they must be coming from, was it a semi-automatic? Was anyone hurt?

A place where we can take long walks in the glimmering dusk, where my peripheral vision can ease up a little, where i have to fend off wildlife trying to survive not life gone wild trying to survive. Where my child can can play without being within arms reach. Where i can bike again, maybe even bike with my kid and not have my heart in my throat. A place wheere i can hear the wind, where the constant shushing roar in the ambience isn't the hum of traffic, but the rhythm of nature. I am perhaps idealizing and romanticizing. The burbs have no culture that cannot be conveniently sited in a mini mall with a Starbucks and Panera on the corners. An actress I like said, the suburbs are where bad things happen. She perhaps was overdramatizing, but I know as sleepy as O-town was, where we are headed is even more domestic and somnabulent.

I shall probably be the only mom in the PTA with tatts *and* a Masters degree. I shall try not to be a snob or an outcast. I've been plagued by a secret dread that something will happen before we leave. Something tragic. I know it is only anxiety and superstition. And i know that one of the neighborhood drug dealers was caught violating parole and is back in the clink, but still, i am tense. Reading the news everyday with its pornography of trauma doesn't help.

I've been looking forward to the fresh start, release of burden so much that I've almost forgotten about the important things I'm leaving behind as well, many of my friends. These last 5 years we've been so wrapped in our Household concerns that we've sometimes forgotten to appreciate our community. I've made efforts in these last few weeks to make time for my friends though the housing search and then move prep made it hard. And i promise to myself to make time to see them still. At least once a week, twice a month, i will try to stay later in oakland and hang out with a friend.