motherhood booklist

**new updates!**

it's been a while since my last booklist. so in honor of my new identity in life. it's time for my parenthood booklist

Pregnancy & Birth

• Hearts & Hands: A midwife's guide to pregnancy and birth, 4th ed, by Elizabeth Davis (master midwife) a guide to the care of a pregnant woman and her partner. for someone who only knows the hospital/medical model from TV and movies, this book opens up a new world of caring approach to life's most sacred rite of passage. i took the Hearts & Hands Midwifery Intensive to learn about the field and became a doula through it. i really appreciate Elizabeth's wisdom, sensitivity and spirituality. i'm looking forward to taking more classes with her in the future. who knows i may yet become a midwife myself.
  
• Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, by Ina May Gaskin (the Mother of Modern Midwifery) down-to-earth and centered in the natural wisdom of women's capacity to birth. positive birthstories along with evidence-based facts. i love the simple truth of the sphincter law. love your yoni.
• Complete Guide to Pregnancy & Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger really talks about the hormonal & biological underpinnings of birth and breastfeeding. though the bias is towards natural birth, the book that equally values the birthing choices that women make, neat week-by-week progression with photos of a mom and graphics of baby and cool photos of waterbirth, homebirth and hospital birth.
• Birthing From Within by Pamela England an intuitive and creative woman-centered, woman-led approach to birthing from labor preparation to comfort techniques.
• Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year by Susun Weed.all the herbal remedies you need to support a woman's constitution before & during pregnancy, during childbirth and postpartum. i learned that all the plants considered weeds by american society are actually medicinal and stem from a long healer tradition of well woman care (or in modern parlance sue them for practicing without a medical license). so patriarchal hegemony didn't just burn some healer-midwives as witches, it also succeeded in vilifying the healer's plants which at that time couldn't be privatized and commidified as with medicine. after all these years post-grad school, i finally discover some meaningful relevance to Weber's thesis about the protestant ethic undergirding capitalism. that's my new excuse for not mowing our lawn. if only i could convince the City Public Works of that cuz you get majorly fined for not mowing your lawn and for having "weeds.
• kellymom.com okay so this isn't a book, but i found the info here on breastfeeding more informative than a certain lactation advocacy organization and even more helpful than my lactation consultant at times (though she was great for moral support!). i totally credit Lily for the referral
  

Parenting

• Our Babies, Our Selves: How Culture and Biology shape the way we parent by Meredith Small the biological roots for cultural parenting practices. reiterated for me why some of my instinctive/cultural modes of parenting like bedsharing, breastfeeding, and diaper-free were what's best for my child in spite of mainstream denunciation.
• Baby Matters: what your doctor may not tell you about caring for your baby by Linda Palmer, DC some folks call this the only book you need for attachment parenting. affirms the set of values as well as backs it up with scientific evidence. really changed the way i think of cow's milk.
• Meditations for New Mothers by Beth Wilson Saavedra nice little mother affirmations and thoughts to meditate on in the brief snatches of time you get between feedings, pottying/diapering, naps, etc.
• Mothering magazine great articles about natural pregnancy, childbirth and parenting
• Giving the Love that Heals by Harville Hendris & Helen Hunt (no, not that Helen Hunt) about personal transformation and conscious parenting; how to heal your own childhood wounds so you can stop passing on your baggage to your kids.
• All About Love: new visions by bell hooks okay so this isn't about parenting per se. it is about self-actualization and being a loving person.
• Smart Medicine for a Healthier Child, 2nd ed. this is a really great book we received from Szymon as a baby shower gift (awesome!) that lists common childhood ailments and gives you integrated treatments from western/allopathic medicine, homepathic, nutritional supplements, acupressure and herbal treatments. all those inconsolable, fever, projectile vomit ni
  
• Vaccinations: A Thoughful Parent's Guide by Aviva Jill Romm we're trying to make informed choices about vaccine scheduling.
• The Diaper Free Baby: the natural toilet training alternative by Christine Gross-Loh i liked this book for being very flexible and non-zealous about being diaper-free.
  

Honorary mentions

• Fathering Right from the Start: Straight Talk About Pregnancy, Birth andBeyond by Jack Heinowitz

lessons in parenthood

so VL tumbled out of the bed the other day. it wasn't a big deal. we have a low platform bed and a rug. i really gotta learn to heed my intuition though cuz the thought crossed my mind and i dismissed it. she cried for all of a minute and then it was back to lots and lots of active playing & smiling when she should have been sleepy. i gave her a dose of rescue remedy not that she needed it and took a big dose myself to calm me down. no scratches or bruises. so i took her to her chiropractor for an adjustment the next afternoon and other then her ribs being slightly subluxated (which is chiro for tweaked) she was fine. i figured weo, now she's learned about edges and that will be the only time, right? wrong. she's been going for the edge kamikaze and intent on going over. i even held onto one calf to see how far she would take it. she made it over our gramma-made bootleg co-sleeper barrier (clearly its not a barrier), get her hands on the bedframe but then her arms couldn't support her weight (22lbs!) and the laws of physics took over. and of course i had her dangling in the air by the calf like a snared rabbit. we thought maybe it was just imitation since she sees us going over the edge and she likes to do what we are doing in her own fashion, i drink tea|she gnaws on the mug rim, i read a magazine|she eats the magazine.

then the other day we were playing in the living room and she did a belly crawl to the edge of the blanket towards the potty which was in a different corner than usual. so i picked her up and put her on it (naked butt) and she went. hmm. then later that evening after playing contently on the bed, she gets agitated and starts making for the edge again only not in the middle where i get up, where the rug is but between the rug & the nightstand where the potty is. her little paws were outreaching toward the potty. hmm. so i picked our lil adventurer up and put her on the potty and she peed. ding! lightbulb! she's not trying to crack her head open, she is trying to get to the potty! clearly, we've been missing her attempts to communicate with us (since it primarily consists of her staring intently at me with little to no vocalization or secondarily of agitation when she really really is on the brink. and is the precise way she communicates hunger and sleepiness as well.) and she is asserting her will and mobility to do for herself. i told Dì Sáu this who smiled benevolently and said something or the other about the baby crawling. (sometimes i think she doesn't understand me and just nods along pacifyingly) then this morning, VL peed on the potty and Dì Sáu put her on the blanket afterwards and then went to go wet the flannel wipe with warm water to wipe her down. and when she came back, VL had belly-crawled off the blanket and peed some more. on the floor. next to the potty. so now we finally get it.
i am so amazed at babies' intelligence and will to communicate and how adults paternalistically underestimate them. and i'm even more amazed at VL's will to self-determination.

diaper-free redux

btw, when i mentioned to Dì 6|aunty 6, our nanny, (more on nannies later, the post is mostly done) that VL has been going diaper-free on the weekends, evenings, and with her Bà Nội, Dì 6 confessed that she wanted to let VL go without diapers too but was afraid of being reproached by me for acculturating the baby to naked butt, cuz once they have a taste of freedom, they don't want to be straight-jacketed anymore. Dì 6 sez VL doesnt pee randomly but after naps, and hourly, etc. so she's been doing her own empirical observation which makes me happy for the care that VL gets. anyways synchronous with this happy convening of observation & values, VL discovered how to pull open the velcro on her wool diaper cover. so it's just as well.

and we are diaperless at night. she was only able to pull off the hold-in-the-pee-all-nite feat twice. but that's not why. i just would rather she was comfortable in her sleep. so i have our wool puddle pad beneath her (thanks, anh Hy!) and put a prefold diaper flat on top of that. so if she pees, the diaper soaks up most of it, and what it doesn't get, weo the wool turns into soap yadda yadda. she does have the unerring ability to scoot backwards off the wool mat and pee directly on the bed. luckily, we have a wool mattress topper on our organic wool & cotton rubber bed. it's been the case that when she's uncomfortable whether from wet diaper of full bladder, she wriggles and grunts in her sleep and refuses to bú (weo, could you eat were that the case for you?). so i sit up, foist her up on the potty between my legs and hug her while gently rubbing her bladder and making the tsssssssssshhhhhh sound. sometimes she does that funny little i've-been-holding-it-in-too-long-shiver before she pees. and then i gently wipe her off and put her down to the bed. so no diapers at nite and only 2-3 cloth wipes. and she doesn't even cry in protest anymore.

so now we are down to a handful of diapers a week. thank the stars because regardless of what cloth diaper zealots tell you, it does stink. urine becomes ammonia which cannot be contained. maybe we should do as Dì 6 suggests and stop trying to contain it and just let it air dry in a basket. is it always the case that the more you fight something, the more it persists?

diaper free!

we've been doing elimination communication with VL consistently since she was 3.5 months old. within a few days she was happily pooing almost exclusively on the potty (only misses were when we were in the car or when we were making dinner/doing chores & not paying attention). thing is she doesn't want to soil herself, so she'll hold out and try to get attention as long as she can before resignedly & involuntarily going in her diaper. so because she was offered the potty for pooing she went all at once instead of pooping herself a little and then holding in the rest, to be repeated 2-3 times a day.

this last month or so at the encouragement of her Bà Nội|paternal grandmother, we've been giving her diaper-free time as long as we're home & around her. it helps that its summer and being naked butt isnt too big of a deal. (though i did i finally break down & bought baby leg warmers when i accepted that i wasn't going to knit any anytime soon in spite of my purty stash). we just put her on the potty before & after napping, before & after nursing, and when ever she's squirmy and every 20-30 minutes or so. yes, there have been misses. she's peed on me twice, on her padded play area, on her Bà Nội. but y'know, it's only pee. Mr. Darcy did not break up with me; the world did not come crashing down. we change her and change ourselves and live to tell the tale.

at nighttime, we leave the diaper on and she's been down to three then two pees a night. and sometimes when i'm too tired to even wake up when she attaches herself to my boob, i let her sleep the night with a wet diaper. i tried pottying her at night and it was exhausting. i was 3am clumsy. she cried at some new routine being introduced to her sleeptime, being somewhat woken up by the naked butt, ceiling fan breeze (heatwave) and sitting up on the potty bit. so i haven't tried that again, though if her eyes pop open and she smiles, i may try it if i have the energy. its better than changing a diaper on the other side of it.

the nice thing about being naked butt is that her clothes fit better (though baggy on the bum) since most american baby clothes nowadays are designed for disposable diapers and cloth diapers are considerably bulkier even though the biobottoms bikini cut wool diaper covers that we use (and love!) are very trim. i met VL's doppelganger who is three days younger the other day and i was utterly fascinated that she was wearing fitted leggings that weren't rolled up on the cuffs or highwater waists (because they are a size or two up). i poked at her butt and asked her mom, is she wearing panties? no, she was wearing a disposable. i had to laugh at how skewed my perspective on baby bottoms has become. VL is my norm. though i will say in the last month, VL's little tush has become juicy, as has her thighs, arms, belly, cheeks, well all over really. she is just pure juicy-ness.

anyways we cancelled the diaper service a few weeks ago and go through about 30 cloth diapers a week. mostly during the day when the nanny has her. so we've finally achieved that zen balance of owning your own diapers. and its nice to know that next baby, we won't have to put in as much moola top start off.

so last night, big milestone, she didn't pee in her diaper all night! she held it, and my timing was on. as soon as she started to stir, i took off her diaper and put her on the potty and boy did she happily pee. she held it almost 12 hours! talk about supreme willpower. i can't even hold it at night anymore. anyways, as pleased as i am about this, this is her own achievement for herself. we try not to praise her for peeing & pooing because a) she doesn't need to be trained to be a people pleaser and b) bodily functions are utterly natural and not needing of praise anymore than breathing and blinking deserve praise.

i was reading meditations for new mothers and came across one that really resonated with me about children asserting their independence, sometimes defiantly. the gist is that you shouldn't let your own fears become the challenges & limits that your child has to surmount in order to lead her/his life. getting over the fear of her pooping or peeing on her clothes, on me, on the floor, wherever, was really a big barrier for me intially and why i didn't start pottying until three months in (though i've been cueing since birth), even though i was mentally committed to it. and now that we are on the other side of it, i can see how my fear held me back, held her back. why should she have to sit in pee or poo all this time because i am afraid of getting my clothes soiled? my clothes are washable, and are not so valuable that making my baby soil herself is more important. it helps of course that we have hardwood floors. as for the wool rug, well, wool absorbs pee & makes it into anti-bacterial soap. i think after having to deal with washing dirty cloth diapers with my amish washer and handscrubbing the diaper covers, it makes me a little more practical and less squeamish when it comes to what comes out of my baby. i say that now, before she has started solids.

next stop: tiny baby panties! go VL!