Anabelle Grace

my sister birthed anabelle grace in the wee hours on feb 20th at 36 weeks (one month early). anabelle wasn't breathing and had no heartbeat. the neonatologist was able to resuscitate her after 20 minutes and lifeflighted her to NICU at the children's hospital nearby.

life's serendipity

what a mysterious sequence of events. just days before my sis received a late term diagnosis of polyhydramnios, transferred care provider from midwife to ob/gyn, due to mistaken referral missed the perinatologist appointment, and waters broke on the day of her specialist appointment, all events that prefigured emergency C-section on the horizon contrary to her nautral birth plan. and yet the way the universe unfolded, my sister had an easy recovery after blessedly delivering naturally with her midwife present after all, no perineal tears, an unmedicated vaginal delivery of a breech even as they were prepping her for an emergency C. because of the quick recovery from natural birth she was able to check out of the hospital in the afternoon to be with anabelle and her husband in a matter of hours rather than days if she had a cesarean birth or medicated birth. i flew in to san diego to be with them, our parents, our aunties and family friends.

grace

anabelle had birdswing eyes like her mother and her big sister lily. the same round round face and apple cheeks. she also had many congenital complications and down's syndrome. she was beautiful. in the afternoon, after no brain activity, they took her off life support. in the bosom of her mother, her big sister lily and her father, surrounded by all her loved ones, anabelle grace died.

how to express our heartbreak and struggling to breathe and grieve as our loss washes over us in waves of sorrow. four-and-a-half year old lily struggles with the meaning of Death. oh she misses her baby sister and wants God to make anabelle better and give her back to us...