[ed.#2 okayokay, the more girlfriends i talk to processing my feelings, the more remorseful i feel. so, i won't do like my junior high self and destroy my previous journal entries, so you will just have to categorize this one under "ooh, that is so all about her. obviously she gots some challenging emotions around this topic." but then isn't that the point of a blog?]
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
dear dear friends and acquaintances,
though i recognize that heterosexual union comes with a set of cultural assumptions, societal expectations, legal privileges, tax breaks, and baggage; and though i fully understood that vinamese matrimony comes with three explicitly defined goals*: 1) suy gia-securing familial alliance 2) tổ tiên-propitiating the ancestors and 3) nòi giống-propagating our people; though i knew those things from the outset of this connubial partnership, i am only recently made conscious that regardless of culture or society, the common obsessive genome is that of procreation. and as such, as newlyweds, my lifepartner and i are subject to a heightened level of interest in our breeding proclivities and sexual activities, and ergo, reproductive pressure. as if ye olde biological clock and expiration dates weren't enough.
imagine the scene--there we are engaged in random chitchat, polite, water-cooler variety conversation about work- or life-related exigencies and vagaries--nothing deep, nothing intensely personal, emotional or soul-baring--when abruptly, desultory, all tò mò incongruous intimate inundation:
"when are you having a baby?" or even worse, "are you pregnant yet?"wince. shall i give you post-coital updates? what is it you *need* to know?
as referenced in a previous blog o'mine, vinamese family planning involves one's goddesses, one's ancestors, one's kin, and the government. and at this time, i would add one's health care providers. if you are one of those beings, i guess this means you know and are comfortable with the fact that i am not a virgin--lạy mẹ maria!--durrr, hmmm... that still does not incline me to discuss sexual matters with you.
if you are *not* affiliated with any of the aforementioned beings, please allow me to say, we appreciate the well-meaning sentiment/intention behind that suggestive sparkle in your eye, your quizzically cocked eyebrows, and your prurient interest and curiosity about our fertility and reproductive status. please be assured that when my womb/egg has selected insemination from among millions of my spouse's spermatozoa, and viably implants a fetus and placenta after the 8th week, you will be the eighth to know--after our gods, our ancestors, ourselves, our parents, our siblings, our kin whom number in the hundreds and our midwife --and that you will receive our glad tidings of conception in person or via phone, email or gossip as the case may be. we hope that knowing your place on the pecking order and manner of information dissemination alleviates your concern, anxiety and non-sequitur questions on our behalf.
until then, please--and we say this with patient affection albeit with a strained smile--please mind your own womb!
thank you in advance for refraining from compulsively banal interlocution and heterosexual attentiveness in/about my womb which reinforces a biologically reductive definition of femininity/matrimony and a societal obsession with managing the productiveness of women's wombs. in the spirit of mutual propriety, i promise not to ask you about: still being single or unmarried, your stagnating career, finishing your degree, the moribund gasps of your life dreams, your financial debt, your retirement plan, the state of your relationship with your parents, your weight gain, your impotence, your credit score, your spiritual disillusionment, or otherwise insensitive personal questions that may trigger feelings of pain, pressure, vulnerability, inadequacy, insecurity and/or failure.
it took eight years of commitment, 1.75 years of planning and only six months of wedded bliss to get to this point. we don't do anything in a hurry.
peace,
the newlyweds
this has been a public service announcement of the MYOB! civic benefit campaign.
*anthropological note: the primacy of romantic love as a singular cultural goal for wedlock being a bourgeois, individualistic, ideological invention of the Nation-State resulting in a 50% divorce rate and below 1 reproduction rate in the West.
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