weo, i officiated my first wedding ceremony for my friends 10 and 11.
it was a magical and lovely wedding weekend in the "Hamptons" of the bay area--aka Stinsons Beach. i feel very honored and blessed to have shared such an intimate heartfelt experience. there is something very special about being the celebrant and guiding a couple through that sacred rite of passage. maybe i was born to be a priestess--albeit a pagan one. and i conducted the ceremony barefoot & pregnant. hah. the bride was lovely and stunning in a red and white floral summery halter top. and the groom was fine in his white linen suit and red pinstripe button-up (although i do feel wierd saying that about a man i consider my cousin).
to prepare 10 & 11, eons ago i shared a wedding ceremony template borrowed from my neighbor, a native elder & spiritual leader, for my own commitment ceremony and had them answer questions about marriage, their relationship, challenges, why they love each other. deep stuff and humorous. (T. and i are considering photocopying their answers and distributing them at this weekend's reception.) they gave me feedback on what they wanted to see in their ceremony, meaningful cultural rituals, and then gave me their responses and the beginnings of their vows (which like every other couple planning a wedding they didn't finish til the last minute). i had wrote much of the ceremony months ago--one of the few things in life i didn't procrastinate on. i've been waiting for this day practically since i've known 10 nine years ago. Love is a great motivator.
folks enjoyed the ceremony. like 10 & 11, it was generous, tender, inclusive, loving and irreverent. just to give an idea, their commitment was sealed with diamond-encrusted gold horseshoe rings inherited from 11's parents from the 1970s and their vows included things like "fried chicken" and "lactose intolerance" amongst all the soul-deep love.
i was requested to share my "sermon." so here it is, minus the stuff that doesn't belong to me (readings, vows, etc).
WELCOME
Greetings and blessings, kindred. We are gathered today in Community and Love to rejoice in the union of two giving and compassionate Souls, 10 and 11.
All of us here have shared in the long journey of their relationship as it has ebbed and flowed over many moons and many years of their lives. And through it all, all the sea of heartaches and all the oceans of joy, they have held each other in their hearts, closer than breath, more precious than water. 11, you were always the constant ocean to her moon. 10, you always gave him the universe to be his whole self. The changes and growth you have experienced in your times apart have ultimately drawn you back together. That is truly a rare and precious gift.
We as your family, your friends, your community, we have collectively supported you both as individuals and as a couple in embarking on this path together. And today, we share in this blessing of your marriage, and with Heaven and Earth, bear witness to your spiritual commitment to one another.
Our tears today are tears of Joy; tears that taste like Love itself. In Vietnamese we say, Uống nước nhớ nguồn. As you drink water, remember its source. As we drink in the Love and Joy, let us take a communal moment of spiritual reflection to remember, to breathe deeply, to invoke ancestors and loved ones who cannot be here with us today, to feel their Presence and Love surrounding, guiding, and blessing this union.
PAUSE
MESSAGE
10 and 11 prepared for this moment, this ceremony—you might say they’ve been preparing for it nearly half their lives—to infuse it with their understandings and beliefs, personality & humor. To 11 and 10, marriage means a lifelong spiritual commitment to share in life’s journey as two strong individuals building an even stronger relationship because of all the challenges they’ve faced as a couple over the last 15 years. This is a union based on shared values & political principles, balancing individual identities, shared responsibility, expectations, limitations and boundaries.
10, 11, this spiritual connection shared with each another you have inscribed with your own secret map and legend written by your shared memories, matured communication, constant laughter, support, love and hopes for your shared future. The pathway to Love's communion reflects your continual struggle and growth as a couple, as future parents, and as members of this community. Through this union you will gain patience and your two families--the B's and the T's--will forever be joined through you.
Visionary bell hooks speaks of Love as a choice. It is a choice that is transformative, centered in sharing and mutuality, and built through Justice.
She writes, “When we commit to true love, we are committed to Being Changed, to being acted upon by the Beloved in a way that enables us to be more fully self-actualized. This [mutual] commitment to change is Chosen. . . True love is unconditional, but to truly flourish it requires an ongoing commitment to constructive struggle and change. The Heartbeat of True Love is the willingness to reflect on one’s actions, and to process and communicate this reflection with the loved one.”
Like many meaningful life-passages, your union today is for us, what hooks calls “the fabulous moment of Pause where we begin to contemplate the true Meaning of Love in our lives. We begin to see clearly how much love matters, not the old patriarchal versions of ‘love’ but a deeper understanding of LOVE AS A TRANSFORMATIONAL FORCE demanding of each individual Accountability and Responsibility for nurturing our spiritual growth.”
11 and 10, in your old life before this day you were two friends, two sometime lovers; henceforth you become one Family and we all bear witness to the birth of your Union in Love. As your kindred and community, we are bound with our presence to support your choice to commit to each other, to ground you, and be an active presence in the endurance of your relationship. So as you embark on this new life together as a family, you both have a sacred responsibility to each other, to your united families and your community, a commitment to struggle and change, a willingness to love and through that love, be transformed.
Two lovely readings from an Ilocano poem and Kahlil Gibran & an original song by I-80.VOWS OF INTENT
This day of uniting and commitment is sanctified by the deepest yearnings of our souls for unity, communion with the spiritual, and for the chance to transform ourselves.
10 and 11, from the depths of your souls, speak now the vows you have written for each other.
the vows were classically them.
RING EXCHANGE
The ring is a symbol of the cycles of renewal and life, một lời vâng tạc đá-vàng thủy-chung, a vow of constancy etched in stone and gold. Auspicious horseshoe rings.
very lovely ring exchange vows.
When two souls come together in spiritual communion, we rejoice in Love and Hope.
11 and 10 wholeheartedly believe in the joining of their families, friends, and community as part of their commitment to one another. They welcome you, their guests, to lift your voices in short and simple blessings on this day. If the spirit moves you, please share a blessing now.
lots of "Gazebos!"
PRONOUNCEMENT
10 and 11,
As you made your decision to commit to this union based on Love,
Let Love be the guiding force in your marriage;
May Love soften the edges of anger and melt away selfishness;
Let Love give you the patience, the grace and the strength to change together.
As your kin & community, We now pronounce you life partners. Blessed be.
KISS. Duh.
CLOSING
Community please blow kisses to 10 & 11.
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