brain-to-mouth filter

i've been known from time to time to put my foot in my mouth. especially when i'm tired. and especially when i'm tired and had an alcoholic beverage (sigh, miss that) sometimes it's both feet in the mouth. now that i'm obligated to be sober samurai, i've discovered this precious truism:

grown-ups say the darndest things!

take this conversation for example. i had gone out with my girlfriend Chanda on friday evening (hot date night, but t. was sick) to see 10's husband's band perform at Maxwell's--an upscale (for Oakland) dinner & show venue. after both sets, getting on towards 11pm, Chanda & i got ready to leave because i was tiiiiiiired. so i made my rounds bidding adieu to 10 & friends. here is the last person i talked to before leaving. i shall call her X.

friend X : something about huge belly and the due date getting closer or some such

me [a couple of incoherent response attempts. full-on pregnancy brain]: yah t. & i were talking and we realized we're going to have a baby in 6 to 8 weeks. can you believe that?

friend X: or sooner if you have a premature baby. hahaha.

me [what the ??? too tired/polite to give the person the swift kick in the shin she deserved]: uhm. yeah. thanks, X. for that uh "blessing". X. it's real--. hmmm. that's reeaaalll uh. nice. wow.

friend X [apparently still self-convinced she's in her right mind and being witty, and is clearly not deciphering the sarcasm]: don't worry, you have all of us to support you.

me: yeah. right. that's uh comforting. well. uh. bye.

friend X: oh hey, don't forget my offer to host the space for your baby shower.

yeeeeeah. now i should say this dear friend is severely allergic to alcohol, was out on a date with a new guy, and so had unwisely chosen to consume three sips of some murky-colored, maraschino cherry-laden cocktail making her quite tipsy. there's some on goddess' green earth that weren't meant to drink. (X, if you are reading this and were not so drunk that you don't remember this lovely verbal interchange, i say this as your friend who cares about you, please i urge you, don't drink and talk. it's just hazardous.)

as verbal diarrhea/social faux pas go, this is about on par with another friend o' mine who is, i assume, sober (though i shouldn't assume) and regularly likes to refer to my baby-in-the-womb as a "fetus" for reasons incomprehensible to me since she blithely refers to my cats as my babies. what's the logic for humanization here?

brain-to-mouth filter. brain-to-mouth filter. at least kids have innocence and charm. i guess my response should be "hey, y'know you're far more endearing when i'm drunk."

could we as polite society develop some sort of brain-to-mouth-filter breathalyzer for people before they try to engage in conversation?

if childless people wonder why their pregnant/childfull friends don't come to them for advice or support or meaningful conversation anymore, this is why. and that goes for all you people who like to tell personal/second- or third-hand gory, blood-soaked birth stories too. you should really have a license before attempting to be a motivational speaker.