the land of maternity

i've gained approx 5 lbs and 2 inches on my bust, waist & hips. va-va-va-voom. i need to eat every 2-3 hours and i still have to pee a whole lot. oh and i'm mental toast by 9.30pm. i still fight it like i am 7 trying to finish a book under the covers with a flashlight waaayyy after bedtime, but i'm mentally useless. let's not even bring up what's going on downtown.

though i look relatively un-pregnant in the mornings (in my own estimation since everyone else seems to think they can tell. maybe its me knitting baby booties that's the dead giveaway? or is it just my "glow"?), by day's end through the effluvia of digestion, anatomical positionality of my intestines, and the gassiness that accompanies pregnancy (no one tells you about the gassiness!), i look like a very pregnant lima bean and waddle a wee bit. in other words, everything is still functioning like it did B.P.|Before Pregnant. i spose i could suck it in, but i'm pregnant and my ego has allowed me to let go of that particular vanity. but don't think i haven't noticed all the random strangers staring at my belly. or at least it seems that way.

i've been able to get away with the rubberband trick of wearing my jeans unbuttoned and partially unzipped with only a rubberband to hold it up, with a maternity band or a long tank as cover. but it's getting to that unsightly, uncomfortable point. we're talking muffin top and pressure on the bladder/womb. plus it's summer. i spose i could just wear sweatpants to work, but it's summer. i did get some great hand-me-downs from Lily, but they're mostly fall-winter clothes and it's y'know, summer.

so this saturday T&i ventured maternity clothes shopping. harder than it sounds. apparently all the maternity stores are in Marin or Walnut Creek well over 25 minutes away (may not sound like much to non-Bay Area folks, but that's a different county, the post-meltdown MacArthur Maze & the San Rafael toll bridge *or* the Caldecott tunnel in traffic so add on an additional 30 minutes!). y'know, the burbs where apparently people actually procreate. so we ended up in the small way way back section surrounded by newborn clothes at a local ghetto Old Navy which has dirt cheap sweatshop maternity clothes that are relatively stylish on this side of the millenia (meaning it's not above the belly farmer pants). because why would i pay more than $20 for something i'm only going to wear for a few months?

okay, so maternity clothes suck. you can either look like you are trying to hide your belly like a modern version of some victorian shame (or in my adolescent reality, the highschool cheerleader in denial. i knew a lot of those. my high school if we had not already established, was 'tween the barrio & the base and a third the girls were knocked up by senior year.) or you can look like you are trying to show off your belly like you're any number of knocked-up blond celebrity.

and at this stage (i'm between 13 to 15 weeks depending), you're a little screwed. you're not showing enough to wear the huge belly accomodating maternity clothes and you're not fitting into non-pregnant clothes. factor into account, seasonal needs, undergarments, and you get the complicated idea. oh, and somemommy please explain to me what a maternity bra is and what is the modern miraculous feat of adjustable engineering that will enable me to wear this for the next 5 months without chafing? (no one tells you about the chafing!)

and what's with all the ruching? maternity clothes are ruched up the yin-yang. i didn't like ruching B.P. (does nothing for my curves but make me look stocky), so why the heo, would i like it now?

so i got some khaki cargo capris that are only somewhat odd fitting (Old Navy is anything but consistent) with an underside-of-the-belly, wide elastic waistband (great for those multiple pee breaks. great invention that elastic.). but i spose i'll "grow" into it and long tanks still provide great coverage as per usual. and also some narrow elastic, below-the-belly "double waistband" brown pants that fit great on my hiney, are not bootleg (does anyone do straight leg any more?) and are only a little snug on my thighs (my perpetual dilemna since i got thick peasant legs but i'm used to that by now).

it's great to take your babydaddy maternity shopping btw. when i asked his opinion, T peered at my thighs close up and very helpfully said "weo, hopefully your thighs won't get any bigger."

no, i didn't not kick him, though he was well within range and deserved it. he got an amused, incredulous look and when he realized what he said, he tried to smother me with kisses and hugs and "beautiful-mother-of-my-child" platitudes. he's a regular babydaddy comedy routine. so i promised/threatened to broadcast his faux pas to all my girlfriends and let the ladies have at him. boys, shake your heads in disbelief and vow never to say such things when your babymomma is having a my-clothes-don't-fit-me-and-maternity-clothes-make-me-look-ginormous moment.

i just need to figure out how to milk this for all its worth.

so, this is my exciting life as a petry dish for procreation. ooh, time for second breakfast.